To the young man who walked into my fart on the candle aisle at Target:
I am so sorry! My wife and I just had a big seafood dinner that didn’t sit very well with my stomach. I was going to let loose on the isle we were on, but some other people had just turned onto it, prompting me to go fog out your fateful death lane. I heard you shout and cough and gasp for air, and I felt so terrible. I wanted to buy you a couple scoops at Baskin Robbins to say I was sorry, but I was afraid. Please forgive me.